You've sat down beside them, maybe with a cup of tea going cold on the table, and you don't know what to say. The silence isn't uncomfortable exactly, but it isn't easy either. You love this person, and you want to reach them, but dementia has a way of making ordinary conversation feel complicated.
If that sounds familiar, you're not doing anything wrong. Connecting with someone living with dementia just requires a different approach, and that's exactly what this post is for.
Below you'll find lots of conversation starters rooted in reminiscence, the practice of talking about the past to foster connection, spark joy, and help people feel seen. But first, a quick word on why this works.
Why talking about the past helps
Dementia typically affects short-term memory first. Someone may not remember what they had for breakfast, but they can describe in vivid detail the house they grew up in, their first job, or the smell of their mother's kitchen. This isn't stubbornness or confusion. It's how the brain works with dementia.
Reminiscence therapy is built on this understanding. Research has found that reminiscence therapy has consistently shown meaningful benefits in specific domains, including reductions in depressive symptoms, increases in life satisfaction, and improvements in communication. A 2024 study also found that group reminiscence therapy produced significant improvements in well-being and in behavioural and psychological symptoms of dementia.
In plain terms: talking about the past isn't just a nice thing to do. It can genuinely help.
You don't need to be a therapist or follow a formal programme. You just need some good questions, a willingness to listen, and the knowledge that even a small moment of connection matters.
A few things to keep in mind before you start
Let them lead. These are prompts, not an interrogation. If they want to follow a tangent, follow it with them.
Don't correct. If they remember something differently than you do, let it be. The emotional truth of the memory matters more than the factual accuracy.
Silence is okay. A comfortable pause isn't a failure. Sometimes they're searching, and that searching is worthwhile.
Use photos, objects, or music. A familiar song or old photograph can unlock memories that words alone can't reach. Apps like ReelLife Conversations are built around exactly this idea, using your own personal photos as the starting point for guided conversations.
Some days will be harder than others. That's not a reflection of how much they love you or how much you're doing.
Conversation starters about childhood and growing up
These tend to be the richest memories for many people with dementia. Early life is often deeply embedded.
- What do you remember about the house you grew up in?
- Did you share a bedroom with anyone when you were little?
- What was your favourite thing to do after school?
- Can you tell me about your mum or dad? What were they like?
- Did you have any pets growing up?
- What was your street or neighbourhood like?
- What did you eat for Sunday dinner when you were a child?
- Did your family have any traditions you looked forward to every year?
- What was your favourite subject at school?
- Do you remember your first teacher? What were they like?
Conversation starters about work and everyday life
Work and daily routines can carry a strong sense of identity and pride.
- What was your first job? How did you get it?
- What did a typical working day look like for you?
- Did you have a boss you got on well with, or one who drove you mad?
- What were your workmates like?
- What did you do on your days off?
- Did you have a favourite shop you used to go to?
- How did you get around, did you drive, take the bus, or walk everywhere?
- What was your favourite thing to cook or eat?
- Was there a pub, cafe, or club you used to go to regularly?
- What did you do to unwind at the end of the day?
Conversation starters about relationships and family
These questions can bring a real sense of warmth.
- How did you and [partner's name] meet?
- What do you remember about your wedding day?
- What was it like when [child's name] was born?
- Which family member were you closest to when you were young?
- Did you have a best friend growing up? What were they like?
- Who in the family made you laugh the most?
- Is there someone who really looked out for you when you needed it?
- What do you remember about family holidays or trips?
- Was there a relative who was known for being a brilliant cook?
- What's something your children or grandchildren have done that made you really proud?
Conversation starters about fun, hobbies and interests
Interests and passions are often deeply tied to identity and can be wonderfully engaging to talk about.
- Did you have a hobby you really loved?
- Were you a reader? What kind of books did you enjoy?
- Did you play any sports or follow a team?
- Was there a film or TV programme you never missed?
- What music did you love when you were young?
- Did you ever dance? Where did you used to go?
- Were you handy around the house, good at cooking, or handy with a needle and thread?
- Did you ever grow anything in a garden?
- Were you more of a homebody or did you love going out?
- What's something you were really good at?
Conversation starters about right now
Not every conversation needs to reach into the past. These questions are rooted in the present moment, in likes and dislikes, senses, and simple preferences. They don't require memory, just a feeling. That makes them especially useful on harder days, or when you just want something low-pressure and easy.
- Is this tea too hot, too cold, or just right?
- Do you like it when it's quiet, or do you prefer a bit of noise?
- Does that music sound nice to you?
- Are you warm enough, or would you like a blanket?
- Do you like being outside, or are you more of an indoors person?
- What's nicer, a sunny day or a cosy rainy one?
- Do you prefer sweet things or savoury?
- Is there anything that would make you more comfortable right now?
- Do you like it when people come to visit, or do you find it a bit tiring?
- What's the best part of today been so far?
What to do when the conversation stalls
Some questions won't land, and that's fine. Try a different one. Or shift to music, to an old photo, or simply to sitting quietly together. Connection doesn't always look like talking.
If you're finding it hard to know where to start, or you feel like you've run out of things to say, why not try ReelLife Conversations? It's designed for exactly this, turning your real family photos into personalised conversation prompts so you always have something meaningful to come back to, even on the difficult days.
One last thing
You're showing up. You're trying. That already means something, even when it doesn't feel like enough. The fact that you're here, looking for ways to connect with someone you love, is not a small thing.
Dementia doesn't erase a person. And with the right approach, you can still reach them.